Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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