I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
