Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
