Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
