actually, I'm a sock model
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
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