it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
