I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Randomize
