nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
