1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
