It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
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