thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Randomize