there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
