dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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