How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
