we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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