i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
