also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Randomize
