One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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