wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
How does it feel to date your dad?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
