That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
