Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
