I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
