Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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