dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize