Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
