the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
