just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
