There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Randomize
