thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize