Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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