1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
nutella sex= disaster
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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