Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
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