So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
