weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Sorry my hands just texted you
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
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