Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Randomize
