having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
