when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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