Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
