dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
