help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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