I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
