One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
