Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
