i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
