All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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