It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
