i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
this is an emotional support booty call
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
