The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
