okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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