Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
