dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
