Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
