Do you still have your period?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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