Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Randomize
