Why does Corona taste like a burp?
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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