wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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