i just wanna soil my oats bro
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
