Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
