remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
