I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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