By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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