Pappa wants mamma naked
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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