4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
