think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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