i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
