Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
