I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
