paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
