I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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