i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
