Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I just blew my weed a kiss
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
