Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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