I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
