U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
