You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
