forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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