those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
