I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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