I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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