At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize