Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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