Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
