i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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