Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Randomize
